The young couple
lightly nudges each other in front of us in the
dimly-lit chapel. The warm sweet scent of burning
candles and their
flickering flames lend an atmosphere of serenity to our
gathering. In a slow and gentle tone of voice, they take
turn sharing some of the most personal and defining
moments in their journey as a married couple together.
In respect and complete silence, we follow along in
their stories of heartaches, trying moments as well as
triumphant love for each other.
These couples
are not hired professional speakers or lecturers. They
are just an ordinary couple who believes in sharing
their marital experiences with us in hope of strengthen
our own in this Marriage Renewal weekend. In their
sharing, we feel a sense of complete openness and
honesty. We laugh with them at some of their silliest
incidents. We cry with them at some of the most painful
hurts they have afflicted each other. Their sharing goes
on, through sobs and occasional pauses of emotional
swelling.
And so it
continues throughout our weekend retreat. One couple
after another, most are young, some are young at heart.
All lay bare their most profound moments in their
marriage for all to hear, and learn, and laugh and weep
together. Their sharing is totally personal and genuine.
The kind of sharing that may never have been whispered
to closest family members. The kind of sharing that is
too timid to have been spoken to the best of friends. It
is so candid and courageous. And that is what makes our
Marriage Renewal so powerful and touching. It unites us
in recognizing the deep joy and struggles of marriage.
In between
these featured couples, we have our best laughs with our
own volunteers at each table discussion. Here we
ourselves take turn sharing stories of our own
marriages, complete with warts and all. And in the end,
we have given each other the gift of honesty and
openness. Through each other’s sharing, we see that the
warts of our marriage are no more than gnarls on a tree.
They beautify and strengthen the trunk of the tree.
The sharing
we gift to each other is both inspiring and soothing. It
reminds us we are never alone. And as bad as it may feel
at times, it pales in comparison to how much we have in
common and cherish. What we have built up together and
the children we have raised are well beyond and more
precious than what we could have done separately. Those
sharings are the best experience of our weekend.
The other
best thing about our weekend is how much tender loving
care being bestowed on us. From our first sit-down meal,
which is served enthusiastically by volunteers who
happen to be at my parents’ age. While I don’t remember
what is being served, I do remember being surprised at
a plethora of condiments that accompany it. A little
bowl of chopped cilantro here, then another of fried
shallots there. Nearby is another bowl of cut green
pepper. Another one is for crushed red pepper. There is
another one for fish sauce. And a different one for
spicy fish sauce. There is yet another one for thinly
cut green onion and another one for wedges of lemon, …
It amazes me that somebody really takes the time and
meticulous efforts to treat us as treasured guests in
their home.
This same
level of attention to detail continues to endear us the
next two days. The youth group treats us to a candle-lit
dinner complete with professional portrait photography
for each couple. These young people have somehow
impressively turned our seminar hall into a romantic
restaurant setting with fine china, live music and
white-shirt waiters/waitresses. Against the background
of soft music whispered into the microphone by our young
hostess singers, I look across our table of seafood and
steak cuisine sparkled in between by glasses of
champagne and have to remind myself that I only sign up
for a weekend retreat.
Back in the
chapel, we share moments of reflection of our journey
together. There are beautiful ceremonies with
inspiration and aspiration with the rocks to urge and
nudge each other. Then we scrape off the sand in
gesture to wipe away hurts and to show forgiveness. We
rekindle our vow to each other. And we savor more
moments of silence in the stillness of God. Those
moments remind us of the most important asset we have,
our children. And we realize the most important asset we
can leave for them is not their college fund, or their
inheritance, or what we do for them. It is the quality
of our relationship with each other, through their eyes.
Our weekend
is blessed with a group of loving friends who have
poured out their hearts to remind us each couple that
what we have is more valuable that we first thought.
They remind that our marriage is a gift from God which
needs to be cherished and celebrated more often and more
deeply. From the featured couples who spend endless
hours preparing the materials and setting aside their
own families to serve us, the unsung heroes who tenderly
churn out home-made gourmet foods to nourish our body,
to the young people who invest in substantial amount of
sweats and labor, to all the people who provide
logistical support, to the people on the team and
friends who keep us in their thoughts/prayers, and for
all those who make it possible in other ways, we are
truly grateful.
And all those
little and big things that are done for us in this
Marriage Renewal weekend, they speak volume and
constitute the most eloquent definition of the Sacrament
of Marriage any married couple could have asked to hear.
Lap & Nguyet
